tayROAR's blog

i'm in hell.
yesterday he broke my ribs.
literally.

My friend, his little brother, him and me played a game of golf.
Towards the end, i was atleast 200m away from him, practically behind a tree.
He hit the ball and it flew at me without me knowing, smashed my ribs.

I didn't cry. Why?
Was i too embarrassed infront of him?
And you know what got me.
The fact that he casually just walked over,
whilst i was on the ground holding my rib in pain.

and said 'fuck that would've hurt, are you okay?' and he slightly grinned.
no sorry or anything.

For someone who has so much to say over MSN and Text.
He's piss weak in the real life


And just looking back at the year, me changing my appearance, changing my lifestyle.
just so he'll like me.
Just makes me cry, and want to scream.

If yesterday didn't prove that a game is more important to him,
then hell, why the hell do i love him.
why the fuck can't i let go.
he's not worth my time.

___

He text me this morning
"i never said i don't love you"
i said "then what, because i am so, so confused. I need to know. I can't waste my life waiting for you."
and you know what he said?
"How's your ribs?"

i hate to love him.
i hate myself for loving him.

i don't know how much longer i can wait.
i'm growing up,
but when will i finally want to grow up?



ps. i'm thinking of making a video for you guys. instead of writing how i feel, express it through video for you all.
Tell me how you feel about this, yes or no? thanks <3

I'm disapointed in myself.
He text me.
And he was somewhat sucking up to me.
Then finally he asked me to send a picture of myself.

Lets leave it at that.
a picture.

He was satisfied, i think.
A few hours later I began to think.

Why am I doing this?
Is this the person I want to be?
Giving my dignity and respect for myself away so easily?
I know better,
I was raised to know better.

Why is he all of a sudden the God of my life?
I know, i love him.
But i'm so in love with him. I'm willing to do anything
to make him love me back.

It's pathetic.

I'm thinking of giving up with him.
But a lot of you say that I should keep trying, he'll come around.
what if he doesn't?
Another person on my latest blog told me to forget him and move on.
I'm going to try to.

I know i'll fail, I always do.
I've begun by ignoring him. Blocked him on msn and stopped texting him back.
Part of me thinks he's doing the exact same :S

I need to keep reminding myself

My heart is not a toy.
He is not a child.
He cannot be forgiven so easily.



Until next time,
Adios.
<3
& merry christmas.

you know what I am so over?
being judged.

he told me he loved me.
me.
and i told him i felt the same way.
the same, fucking way.

but today, i go to a park with a girl-friend.
and theres two guys from my class there.
I'd never date them, they're like brothers.

But i get on msn, and he's like
"you know what I hate, a girl tells me she loves me.
But yet hangs with other guys"

So let me get this straight.
he can fool around with a number of girls.
a larger number than a clock has, might i add.
But i can't hang for five minutes with the people
i won't see for two months until school starts again.

is he worth it?
because, im disapointed.

i love him
why the hell doesn't he trust me with that?

is it too much for him to handle?
is there someone else?
am i just to keep him from his boredom.

-confused, broken, etc.
-tayla.

I got told that you don't fall in love the same way twice.
What would I know, right? I'm still stuck on that one guy.

I've never wanted anything more,
anything more but for him to call me his.
i love him.
atleast he left me memories,
but he forgot to take my broken heart.

I got told that my teenage years will be a breeze,
they didn't warn me about him.
or the tears.

It's not like i'm asking him to love me.
but there's a first time for everything,
right?


ghushgdhg. This sucks :l
www.myspace.com/WTFtayla

comment my pics, cheer me up.
love you.
<3

so i log on after like, three months.
When i first joined - I had one friend
I log on like 10 mins ago
i have fucking 50 friend requests and 40 comments
i was like 'i won something didn't i'
so apparently i won some blogstar thing.
yay me -.-


getting into topic, i swear i'll reply to each and everyone one of your comments.
when i have the skill.
<3

Im glad i can relate to a lot of you. it means a lot to share the same feelings and know the how i'm expressing myself means a lot to you.

im adding a pic to this blog. Katey ran me over with her bike and i just laid on the main road in pain. :>


today i chose my friends over my love.
i was asked if we'd ever have a chance by the guy i love, my everything.
and weirdly, i replied 'no.'
this got me thinking, why? I love him, he's my everything.
Then i thought of my friends.

The despise him.
Yet, they share the same feelingsfor him as me.
Hatrid is just a cover up, a foundation if you would.
I chose my friendship over my emotions.
My companions over my everything.
Now i have nothing.
But my friends.

Maybe, I'll be okay. maybe i'll move on.
maybe i don't want to?
maybe i'm stuck.