One step forward, two steps back,

i say i hate him. but even now,
he can still manage to make my heart jump.

butterflies swarm my tummy.
i wish it was because of hate.

the day i still think about.
too bad he saw it as 'getting some action'

they say before you die,
your whole life flashes before your eyes.
i hope mine is worth watching

i say i'm over him.
the more i think about it, i say it because i'm trying to believe it.

i'm over him using me,
saying shit he doesn't mean,
leaving me the same way every time
and thinking it's okay.

because i gave into him everytime,
i fucked my other relationships.
and now,
everyone knows about it.
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# Posted on Friday, 26 June 2009 at 7:45 PM

Four Months On.

Well, it seems no one visits anymore :)
I don't blame you.

That boy.
Well, there is no that boy anymore.

Four months ago I gave my heart, soul, and my privacy away to him.
And never did I get anything in return. Not one speck of affection.
Tonight I decided to read my blogs. To look back at what I used to be.

I'm not sure if he's changed. We never talk anymore. Maybe I just don't attract him anymore.
Or is it we just know too much about each other.
Whatever it is, we don't socialize or even take one glance at each other in the School Hallways.
To be honest.
it's refreshing.

This entire blog is devoted to him.
The guy that charmed me
pretended to love me
used me
fooled me
and ditched me.

Do you know how pathetic that makes me feel?


Peace out.

x
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# Posted on Friday, 15 May 2009 at 5:28 AM

Summing e v e r y t h i n g up.

Summing e v e r y t h i n g up.
i love him

I won't change.
Because
i can't
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# Posted on Tuesday, 27 January 2009 at 5:02 PM

Sometimes I think I'm responsible for my loneliness

I told myself
I don't want to date you again.
I know better.
but i can't imagine kissing aynone but you.

i told myself
i won't miss you anymore.
But i remember
what it feels like beside you.

stop pushing me away from you.
i love you.

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# Posted on Monday, 12 January 2009 at 5:59 PM

"He's like my own personal brand of heroine"

"He's like my own personal brand of heroine"
he's vain
he's rude
he's careless
and he puts me in a bad mood.

Why do i love him?
What has he done for me?
i want to know why i can't stop!

being told to move on isn't helping, because i have no idea why,
But i can't bring myself to it!
What is it about me that's so attracted to him?
Sure he's good looking, popular etc.
But isn't it the personality that counts?

Could it be i'm only fixed on his looks
rather than what's on the inside?

because i assure you.
there is nothing on the inside
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# Posted on Friday, 09 January 2009 at 3:16 AM